A New School Year!

A new school year has started. My older 3 kiddos had their first day on August 13th and Brendan starts school on August 18th. Hailey is in 4th grade, Brianne is in 3rd grade, Landon is in 1st grade, and Brendan will be in Pre-K again this year. It's nice to have the kiddos back in school after 3 months of nonstop chaos. I love my kiddos, but they drive me crazy sometimes. Hoping that this school year goes smoother than last year. So far so good. The kiddos are even doing their homework without fighting with us about it. Brianne still throws her fits in the morning and after school, so it's rough getting them ready and getting them home sometimes. I just try to deal with her ADHD mood swings the best that I can. She is going to miss her first day of school on August 27th for another MRI to check on her brain tumor. Hoping that we get good results on it. Brendan is riding the bus again this year, so hoping that he is good. Last year he had a little trouble staying in his seat. That's all that is going on right now. Just trying to focus on the kiddos and school stuff. Here are some pics of the kiddos on their first day.

July News Update!

I keep forgetting to blog! I always think about doing it, but then I get side tracked doing other things! So where to start? Oh yeah! OK, so kiddos had a great 4th of July! We had a lot of fireworks left over from last year, so we didn't buy that many! We grilled up a bunch of food and set off the fireworks we had! Our friend came over and celebrated with us! It was a great time! My birthday was on the 14th of July! It was fun and the hubby bought me a new media player that I love! We again grilled up a bunch of food and the kids behaved for the whole day (which is a miracle) so overall it was a great day! On Sunday the 21st of July our neighborhood put together a carnival at Peach Park! Glenn hasn't spent a lot of time with the kiddos lately, so he took all the kiddos to the carnival! I could see the giant bouncy house from our front porch! The kiddos got their faces painted, ate some hot dogs, a couple of them volunteered to get water dumped on them for one of the games, and the kids said they loved the bouncy house! They said they liked playing the duck pond game and the balloon pop game! They came home with toys, candy, and pencils! I'm glad that they had a good time! I hope they have the carnival again next year, so I can go check it out next time! The kiddos are getting excited about going back to school! They start August 13th, 2013! I can't wait! Freedom! It's been a long summer! Anyway, getting them essentials to start them out! Then, going to buy them clothes as soon as we can! Since I live in the city and their school gets government aid, the kiddos' school supplies are provided for them! I just have to buy the supplies they need at home to do their homework, so that saves us some money! For the first week they get out an hour early, so Brendan doesn't have Pre-school for the first week! Glenn is going to fill out papers tomorrow so Brendan can go to school! The school is having an open house in 2 weeks and we are going to go fill out more papers for all the kiddos! Last thing I have to report on is my trip to the doc! I've been having anxiety attacks, so went in to make sure that is what was going on! My EKG was normal and so was my blood pressure! I also lost 10 pounds! Yay! They took some blood samples to test my blood counts, thyroid, for infection, and diabetes! I didn't get those results back and I'm waiting on the phone call! I really hope everything comes out fine! Towards the beginning of this year I posted a blog post saying that I wanted to lose weight to improve my health! I haven't even been trying that hard, but seeing that I lost 10 pounds has given me the motivation that I needed to get off my big butt and do something about being obese! I've struggled with my weight all my life, so I know I'm always going to be bigger than other girls! I just want to be a healthier weight! Hoping to get back down to the weight I was before I had kiddos! My goal is to lose the weight 20 pounds at a time so that I don't get frustrated and give up! I have a lot of work to do and a long road ahead of me, but it's something I have to do! I plan on blogging more as I take this weight loss journey!

Goulash Recipe

So, I had a few peeps comment online that they wanted my goulash recipe, so I thought I'd do a blog post and share it with everyone! It's a very easy and cheap meal to make!

Ingredients needed:
1 1/2 pounds ground hamburger
1 box elbow noodles (I use Barilla)
2 jars any flavor spaghetti sauce (I use Barilla)
1/4 cup green bell pepper (chopped)
1/4 cup red onion (chopped)
1 can diced tomatoes

1. Take the ground hamburger, onion, & green bell pepper and cook them on medium heat in a skillet. When browned drain the fat off the hamburger and set aside.

2. While the hamburger is cooking, take a large pot and cook elbow noodles as directed on the box.

3. After draining the macaroni, add the hamburger mix, can of diced tomatoes, and can of spaghetti sauce to it. Mix well.

4. Salt & pepper to taste.

Notes:

For a healthier version you can substitute ground hamburger with ground turkey. Also, you can buy whole grain wheat noodles which is what I use.

Britney & Kyle's Wedding

 

CONGRATS BRITNEY & KYLE!

I know it's been a long time since I've done a blog post, but we had a big event in the family that I wanted to do a blog post about! My niece Britney got married! Her and Kyle finally tied the knot and I had a front row seat at the ceremony, because I was the minister for their wedding! I loved the fact that my niece asked me to be the wedding officiant! It was a real honor to join together Britney & Kyle in marriage! It was my first wedding and my first time writing vows, but I think I did a good job! The ceremony was short, but I think Britney & Kyle were ok with it and the vows that I had wrote!

It was great to see both families come together to celebrate such an important event! Britney looked like a beautiful princess and she was happy to have both of her dads (biological & step) there on her big day! Danny who is her stepfather and the man who raised her got the honor of walking her down the isle (path actually)! Her biological father however got the father/daughter dance so it worked out well for all! My family is so dysfunctional and more people who should have been there were not! It was disappointing, but Britney and Kyle know that everyone who did show up love them a lot!

 

It was a great day and I've never seen my sister and Kyle's mom so happy! They were excited and both happy to see Britney and Kyle get married! Robin & Jenny raised some amazing kids!

 







The reception was a blast! Everyone had a great time and there was plenty of food, drinks, and cake for everyone! We had lots of leftovers too! We did wedding pics at the reception! We danced, we laughed, some got drunk, it was all one big celebration! It was nice to get to know Kyle's family a little more and catch up with other family members! Most of the time I was running around taking pics for Britney & Kyle! I was the minister, the photographer, and I made the flowers and candles! It was awesome that my niece let me do so much for her wedding! The following are some of the pics taken at the ceremony and the reception!

 





As I mentioned I did the flowers and candles for the wedding and reception! I made the bouquets, boutineers, wrist corsages, centerpiece candles, and 4oz. tin candles for all the guests! It was fun and a lot of work! The following are some of the pics of the stuff I made!

 

My Epiphany And My Future Plans!

Today is a new day! I have one of the most dysfunctional families in the world! We spend more time fighting then we spend together and I'm sick of it! I'm forgiving everyone in my family and starting over! I hope that they can do the same, but we will see! The fighting and holding grudges for years is so stupid and it's usually over petty shit! We are all hot headed, but I can't take it any more! I have already forgiven and apologized to my mother! I'm going to try to keep my mouth shut and not blow up as easily! We are all wasting our time and energy being mad at each other and missing out on each other's lives! I tired of my kiddos not being able to see their uncles aunts! I'm done! My 8 year old daughter has a brain tumor and I need my family right now, ALL of my family! I don't know what is going to happen to her! She has a second MRI in 6 days! We will find out the results the day after! My niece is getting married and it would be nice to see the whole family there! Also, I need to focus on my health and happiness more and forgiving and apologizing to my family is the first step! There is nothing I want more than to be happy and be loved by my family! I'm taking the first steps and standing up to say enough is enough! I'm going through a lot and can't handle the extra drama! It will be up to my siblings and how the respond where things will go from here! I really hope that someday we can be a family again! I miss them! I think my hubby and I need to get back to how we were too, but without all the secrets, lies, cheating,  and BS! We both have grown up a lot and need to let that shit in the past go, but remember so we don't make the same mistakes! We haven't really been OK for the last five years and it sucks! We have been through a lot and I haven't rally felt anything for him for the last five years! That needs to change! I think if we work on it and can find time for just us that maybe we can get back to being happy! Having four kids doesn't make things easy!

I've been slowly working on bettering myself for the last two years! I'm slowly trying to start my own business, which is hard due to lack of funds! I'm a Pagan minister through Universal Life Church! Next year I plan on starting classes to get certified as a Herbalist and a Aromatherapist! This is something I'm committed to and I hope to one day have my own shop! I'm a stay at home mom, so I might as well do something with my time! I sure in the heck don't want to be an old woman and look back on my life with regret!

Another thing that has been bugging me lately is my weight! I have been struggling with my weight most of my life! Even if I do lose weight I'm never going to be a skinny person! I would really love to be a smaller size though! It's not about looking good for me, because I really don't care what people think! It's about being healthy and not dying from a heart attack at 30 years old! I'm really overweight too! I believe the term is morbidly obese! I'm 5'6" and weigh 375 lbs., that is not healthy at all! I have gained 150 lbs. of that in the last 11 years! Something has to change! I know I'm doing a lot of damage to myself and it could kill me! I don't want to go through surgery! I need to eat healthier and get more exercise! I eat healthier than a lot of people I know, but I still need to work on it! I drink skim milk, eat whole breads and pasta, I eat lots of veggies and fruit, and we even recently switched from regular hot dogs to turkey franks! And I hardly ever use sugar or salt in our food unless it needs it! I drink mostly water and unsweetened tea and only have a pop once or twice a week and usually only drink part of it! So, there are some things I'm doing right, but there is a whole lot I'm doing wrong! I'm addicted to pizza and cookies! I don't know why, I just am! Instead of eating small meals and snacking in between like I should be doing, I have a habit of eating like 2 big meals a day which causes me to over eat! I also have a bad habit of waiting until the last minute to cook supper and have recently learned that eating late suppers can cause weight gain! Because we are poor with four kids, I have a habit of buying quick pre-made food that is cheap and easy to fix! I need to get on the ball and change these bad food habits and fast! I don't exercise at all which I'm sure is the big reason I'm gaining so much weight! It's hard to be motivated to get up in do something or go for a walk when you have four kids to take care of and a hubby that is always gone! Also, doesn't help when you have photosensitivity and anemia also! I'm constantly stressed, had 4 kids in 5 years, and have big people on both my mom and dad's sides of the family! But, even with all those factors, I know I need to lose weight and stop using those things as an excuse not to do anything at all! So, I have decided that I must and will lose weight! My goal is 150 lbs. to start, but I plan on losing it 20 lbs. at a time so that I don't get bummed and quit working toward my goal if weight isn't dropping fast enough! I also need to remind myself that it took 10 years to put this weight on so losing it isn't going to be fast! I really think I can do this and I need too! I don't want to have serious health problems or die! I want to watch my kids and their kids grow up! I'm going to sit down and make out a menu to follow, eat even more healthier, cut out some of the junk food, and get back to cooking meals from scratch! I also need to get off my ass and my computer to get out and walk even if it's just around the block every day! Because of my weight I'm going to start off with walking and as I lose weight I can up my activity! I will be doing more frequent blog posts so that everyone can follow my progress! I need all the support I can get!

From here on out my life is going to be about being happy and loving myself, family, and friends! Life is what you make it and I want mine to be a long, happy one!

Unanswered Questions

I'm not always the best about planning ahead. Most of the time I wind up changing plans that I've made because my life is some what chaotic with 4 kids. However, I can't help but sit and let my mind wonder sometimes and think about what the future holds for my family. As of right now everything is a wreck and there are questions left unanswered. Glenn went to his doc appointment to see if he has to have surgery and we don't know yet. He was told he has to go back for another appointment next week. As for Brianne, we got her second MRI scheduled and she has to go in on April 29th for it and has an appointment with the neurosurgeon the next day. It's tough waiting for 2 more months to see what is going to happen with your child and to see if her brain tumor has grown or not. Not knowing what is going to happen with her is so stressful and it's emotionally and mentally exhausting thinking about all the things that could happen or could go wrong, and having so many questions and no answers. I try to stay strong, but the truth is most nights I cry myself to sleep and that's if I can sleep. Since I found out Brianne has a brain tumor I get maybe 5-6 hours of sleep a night at the most. And this morning here I am typing up this blog after a night of no sleep again. I had planned on getting a few hours in, but then I checked facebook and read some horrible news. One of my facebook friend's friend just lost her little girl to cancer. From what I understand by the time they realised what was going on it was already too late. The little girl slipped into a coma and then pronounced brain dead all in just a few days. The post this morning had said that they had taken her off life support. I cried my eyes out not only because I feel bad for the little girl's mother, but I couldn't help but think about Brianne and how her medical problems could lead to the same thing if something were to go wrong. I really try to stay positive and tell myself that she is going to be OK, but the reality is that right now I don't know what's going to happen. There is nothing I can think of more horrible than losing a child. I'm not naive or ignorant and I have to face the truth about how serious this is and that I could lose my daughter. I'm just trying to make it through one day at a time right now even though most days I just want to curl up in a ball on the couch and just stay there. And trying not to break down in front of Brianne is very hard, but some how I'm managing. I just hope that the next few months go by fast so we know what is going to happen next and what challenges our futures will have. I know my last few blog posts have been kind of downers, but life is a train wreck right now. I will keep everyone updated and do more blog posts soon that are a little more cheery.
                                                  Brianne

Febuary 2013 Update!

A lot of things are going horribly wrong this year and the stress is building! I've found myself breaking down and crying a lot lately! In my last post I told about how my Uncle had died, how the docs had found something in my mother's lungs, and how my 7 (now 8) year old has been diagnosed with having a brain tumor! I was thinking that maybe with all these horrible things happening that it would get better soon! I was so wrong! The mass growing in my mother's lung is the start of Emphysema! My daughter has to have another MRI done in a few months to make sure her tumor isn't growing and Medicaid is refusing to pay for some of her bills! My hubby and I went and filed our taxes and the IRS took almost our whole return to pay off student loans of my hubby's leaving us with little money to catch up on bills! We weren't able to buy the kiddos anything, not even clothes because what little they left us had to pay bills! I recently caught the flu and was sick for 2 weeks! I'm better now, but still have a cough and a little bit of congestion! Glenn has been having health problems too! He went to the hospital last week and they said he has anal fistula and possibly has to have surgery to have it fixed which sounds painful! As for my business Twisted Witches, I feel like giving up most days! My business is not doing well and not a lot of people are buying my products! I don't know what to do and I feel like a huge failure! I don't want to give up on it and I know it takes a while to build up a business and spread the word! This is my dream and I feel like if I fail everyone is going to be disappointed in me for wasting time and money! I have other things I want to get done too like becoming a licensed herbalist and certified Aromatherapist! I know it's going to take time and money, but it would be nice if I could catch a break from all the other drama and horrible things going on with my family so that I can focus on bettering my life! Most of all I want my daughter to be ok! I think if I ever lost one of my kids that it would break me! Out of all this bad stuff going on, the only thing that I can think about is if Brianne is going to be ok or not! At this point we don't know what is going to happen with her and it's a waiting game until her next MRI! Hopefully, our luck will soon change! I will keep everyone updated!
                                                  Brianne

                                                    Glenn

The Hits Keep Coming!

The Bad News!

I'm really upset. I've had nothing but bad news for the last few weeks and keep wondering when it's going to stop because I don't think I can handle much more. My Uncle John died a couple weeks ago. I'm not clear on why because I don't know all the details. I just know that he died quickly after being hospitalized. I guess there was nothing the docs could do to save him. All they could do is give him pain meds until he passed. Last week I found out from my mother that she went to the docs and that they have found a mass in one of her lungs. I'm scared for her and still waiting for her next appointment to see what they say. My mother and I have our differences, but we love each other and I really don't want to see anything bad happen to her. And then today I got really horrible news about my daughter Brianne and on top of everything else, let's just say that I'm a wreck and not handling it well.

Brianne's Health!

Brianne has been having a few health problems and she had been having episodes were she spaces off in class. So, we talked to our doc and he ordered an EEG with a pediatric neurologist. We were thinking that it was epilepsy because it runs on my biological dad's side of the family. We got the results back saying that she had abnormal brain activity. Dr. Wolcott (the pediatric neurologist) said that it was coming from the left side of her brain and that he didn't think it was epilepsy. When I heard what he had said I should have known that wasn't good. He ordered an MRI which was done last Friday at St. Elizabeth's Hospital here in Lincoln, Ne. Glenn and I overslept yesterday morning and the kiddos were a few hours late for school. He let me know that he had missed a call from Dr. Wolcott and that he had left a voicemail. Glenn took the kids to school and I waited for him to get back so I could listen to the voicemail to see what the doc had to say. Glenn took his time getting back home and in the house and didn't come back until after he dropped Brendan off at school. When he finally came home I was upstairs in our room watching The Daily Show with Jon Stewart on my computer. I called his cell and asked if he was going to let me hear the message and he said he'd let me as soon as he took a few messages for the landlord. After a half hour I had to call him again and looking back now I should have known that there was a reason he was avoiding me. He finally came upstairs, handed me the phone, and I listened to the entire message and then just broke down crying. I couldn't breathe and felt like I someone punched a hole in my chest and ripped out my heart. The message Dr. Wolcott left said that the results showed that Brianne has a small tumor on the left side of her cerebellum. I wanted to stay calm and keep it together, but I broke down and cried for over 4 straight hours. During that time Glenn managed to contact family members and doctors. He spoke to Dr. Wolcott and got him to set up an appointment with a pediatric neurosurgeon. We have an appointment with Dr. Mark Puccioni on the 29th to find out what the next step in all this is. I've had very little sleep in the last 36 hours. I can't sleep and can't seem to quit crying. I've turned to facebook off and on as a distraction. I also want to keep everyone updated on what is going on. I think it's horrible that any 7 year old child has to go through something like this, but it's downright a nightmare when it's your own child. I keep asking myself why did it have to be my child? Not that I would ever wish this on anyone else I just didn't want my child to have to deal with something so serious at such a young age. Brianne is my baby and she's only 7 years old. Her 8th birthday is in 2 1/2 weeks. Unfortunately, my mind keeps racing to what ifs and that's not helping my sanity any. I keep thinking about what if they can't remove it, what if other treatments do even worse damage, and what if I lose her? I don't think I can bear the loss of a child. I want to stay positive and be hopeful, but my mind keeps wondering back to those what if and I break down in tears every time. I haven't told Brianne yet. I need to soon, but trying to figure out the best way to tell her. She's young and I don't know if she will understand how serious this is or how she will react. I can't wait until the 29th , because I need to know more about what is going on. I'll do more posts later after we find out more information.

The following is the results of Brianne's MRI!

Name: SMALLWOOD,BRIANNE L
Phys: WOLCOTT,GEORGE MD
DOB: 02/07/2005 Age: 7 Sex: F
Acct: E00021610909 Loc: MRI
Exam Date: 01/18/2013 Status: REG REF
Radiology No:
Unit No: M000692411

EXAM# TYPE/EXAM RESULT
001614779 MRI/Brain With Without Contra

EXAM: MRI of the brain without and with IV contrast

DATE: January 18, 2013.

HISTORY: Forgetfulness, episodes of staring. Abnormal EEG in the
left temporal lobe.

CONTRAST: The patient received 5 cc of MultiHance.

FINDINGS: The patient has moderate motion artifact on the
post contrast images.

There is a 17 mm focus of abnormal T2 hyper intensity in the left
cerebellum as seen on series 5 image #9. Given the motion artifact
through this area there is no obvious abnormal enhancement of this
focus. No mass effect on the fourth ventricle. Remainder of the
brain appears within normal limits without abnormal signal or
enhancement. The ventricles are normal in size. No restricted
diffusion.

 IMPRESSION:

 1. There is an abnormal focus of signal in the left cerebellum.
 Neoplasm would be a very strong consideration for which a glioma
 would be the most likely consideration. Other entities such as an
 atypical demyelinating process would be considered less likely. A
 short term followup MRI scan is recommended if further evaluation is
 not pursued at this time.

Results telephoned by Dr. Ailes to Dr. George Wolcott on January 18,
2013 at 3:00 p.m.

December Updates!

I've been super busy lately because of the holidays and taking the kiddos to all of their appointments. I need to do more blogs because there has been a lot going on with my family lately. So, here I am to catch everyone up on my life and all the craziness that is going on.

Health Checkups

For the last 6 weeks I have been running my kids around to all kinds of appointments. I made sure that they all got there flu shots this year. Brendan and Landon have been sick a few times so they had to go to the doc for that. I also made sure that I found a good dentist not far from our home for the kids to go to. Up until this year they have been going to the Health Dept. for their dental care, but I get so sick of waiting months for them to be seen. Now they have a regular dentist that they can see and it only takes a day or two to get them in. Lately we have had extra appointments due to Brianne and the problems that she is having. For that last couple years she has been having episodes like she is day dreaming and when she snaps out of it, she acts confused like she doesn't know where she is or what is going on. Her teachers and I have had a few meetings about it and we all came to the conclusion that it was possible that she was having mini seizures. Epilepsy does run on my biological dad's side of the family so I knew it was a possibility that it is seizures. I took Brianne to our doctor who then made an appointment to have an EEG done on her. We received results the same day that her EEG was abnormal. I have an appointment with the pediatric neurologist in charge of her case on January 10, 2013 to see what further tests need to be done. She also has an appointment to see her psychiatrist on January 8, 2013. She's been diagnosed with ADHD and they believe she is bipolar or schizophrenic on top of it, but they are working on her ADHD first. For her to have epilepsy or something worse on top of all this is heartbreaking for me. I hate watching her struggle with all of this. In the next few months we are hoping to get more answers.

Hard Times

Lately we have fallen on hard times. Glenn had job, but was only making $10 an hour which makes it very hard to pay bills with a family of 6 even with help. He just lost that job too, so things are going to get even worse. I'm selling off some of the products that I have made and even have my own website. I'm kind of getting frustrated though, because it's taking longer than I thought it would to get the word out and get a steady flow of products sold. I just started and I know it will take time, but I just don't want to fail. I found something I'm great at and I really want it to work. I don't expect to get rich, but would like a little more money coming in for our family. Glenn and I always find some way to pull through so I do have hope.

Charity

The 22nd of December was the 8th anniversary of Charity's death. I miss that girl so much and it brings me to tears every time I think about her. Charity was my hubby's little sister. She was also my best friend and like a little sister to me. I think the reason her death is so painful to me is because I feel partly responsible for her death. It was my irresponsible sister-in-law (brother's wife) that was the one driving the car and the one who over corrected it causing the car crash. She also knew there was a horrible ice storm coming and decided to make the trip anyway. Charity was the only one who died in the crash. I think it's just as horrible that she risked my niece's life, who was an infant at the time, by taking her on that trip as well. For the first few years I tried to play nice and pretend she wasn't to blame for what happened for my brother's sake. I couldn't take it any more and have not had a very good relationship with her or my brother for the past 5 years. We spent most of that time fighting and staying away from each other. I know that if Charity would have never met my brother's wife that she would still be here today. I feel awkward being around my hubby's family now, because sometimes I wonder if they partly blame me too.

Snow Day!

We had our first snow day here in Lincoln, Ne on Wednesday, December 19, 2012! Of course there was lots of ice & snow, and the kiddos didn't have school on Thursday. We decided to take them outside to play and to build a snowman. My kiddos had a blast. They had a snowball fight, made snow angels, and with Glenn's help, built a pretty awesome snow girl. Hoping to have more snow this winter so we can have more fun days playing in the snow.

 

Yule/Christmas

We didn't do a lot for Yule or Christmas. Mostly stayed home and spent time together as a family. The kids opened part of their presents on Yule and the rest on Christmas Day. We celebrate both because I'm Pagan and my hubby is Lutheran. We have lots of holidays to celebrate in our house. Anyway, I decided to fix a meal between the 2 holidays instead of fixing 2 separate meals. It's just easier that way. My kiddos had a great holiday. Half their presents were tings they needed like bedding sets, new dish sets, pillows, etc. The other half of their presents were toys and stuff to entertain them like remote control cars, puzzles, and play-doh kits. I have to thank Toys for Tots for the clothes and toys, Glenn, Glenn's mother and step-grandparents for the Christmas money they sent, Lincoln Federal Savings Bank for the food boxes, and Glenn's dad and his dad's girlfriend for the clothes they bought. My kids wouldn't have had a Christmas without them. We had a great holiday.

 



Thank you to Lincoln Berean Church for taking pics of my kiddos and for the free photo package.