Unanswered Questions

I'm not always the best about planning ahead. Most of the time I wind up changing plans that I've made because my life is some what chaotic with 4 kids. However, I can't help but sit and let my mind wonder sometimes and think about what the future holds for my family. As of right now everything is a wreck and there are questions left unanswered. Glenn went to his doc appointment to see if he has to have surgery and we don't know yet. He was told he has to go back for another appointment next week. As for Brianne, we got her second MRI scheduled and she has to go in on April 29th for it and has an appointment with the neurosurgeon the next day. It's tough waiting for 2 more months to see what is going to happen with your child and to see if her brain tumor has grown or not. Not knowing what is going to happen with her is so stressful and it's emotionally and mentally exhausting thinking about all the things that could happen or could go wrong, and having so many questions and no answers. I try to stay strong, but the truth is most nights I cry myself to sleep and that's if I can sleep. Since I found out Brianne has a brain tumor I get maybe 5-6 hours of sleep a night at the most. And this morning here I am typing up this blog after a night of no sleep again. I had planned on getting a few hours in, but then I checked facebook and read some horrible news. One of my facebook friend's friend just lost her little girl to cancer. From what I understand by the time they realised what was going on it was already too late. The little girl slipped into a coma and then pronounced brain dead all in just a few days. The post this morning had said that they had taken her off life support. I cried my eyes out not only because I feel bad for the little girl's mother, but I couldn't help but think about Brianne and how her medical problems could lead to the same thing if something were to go wrong. I really try to stay positive and tell myself that she is going to be OK, but the reality is that right now I don't know what's going to happen. There is nothing I can think of more horrible than losing a child. I'm not naive or ignorant and I have to face the truth about how serious this is and that I could lose my daughter. I'm just trying to make it through one day at a time right now even though most days I just want to curl up in a ball on the couch and just stay there. And trying not to break down in front of Brianne is very hard, but some how I'm managing. I just hope that the next few months go by fast so we know what is going to happen next and what challenges our futures will have. I know my last few blog posts have been kind of downers, but life is a train wreck right now. I will keep everyone updated and do more blog posts soon that are a little more cheery.
                                                  Brianne