Unanswered Questions

I'm not always the best about planning ahead. Most of the time I wind up changing plans that I've made because my life is some what chaotic with 4 kids. However, I can't help but sit and let my mind wonder sometimes and think about what the future holds for my family. As of right now everything is a wreck and there are questions left unanswered. Glenn went to his doc appointment to see if he has to have surgery and we don't know yet. He was told he has to go back for another appointment next week. As for Brianne, we got her second MRI scheduled and she has to go in on April 29th for it and has an appointment with the neurosurgeon the next day. It's tough waiting for 2 more months to see what is going to happen with your child and to see if her brain tumor has grown or not. Not knowing what is going to happen with her is so stressful and it's emotionally and mentally exhausting thinking about all the things that could happen or could go wrong, and having so many questions and no answers. I try to stay strong, but the truth is most nights I cry myself to sleep and that's if I can sleep. Since I found out Brianne has a brain tumor I get maybe 5-6 hours of sleep a night at the most. And this morning here I am typing up this blog after a night of no sleep again. I had planned on getting a few hours in, but then I checked facebook and read some horrible news. One of my facebook friend's friend just lost her little girl to cancer. From what I understand by the time they realised what was going on it was already too late. The little girl slipped into a coma and then pronounced brain dead all in just a few days. The post this morning had said that they had taken her off life support. I cried my eyes out not only because I feel bad for the little girl's mother, but I couldn't help but think about Brianne and how her medical problems could lead to the same thing if something were to go wrong. I really try to stay positive and tell myself that she is going to be OK, but the reality is that right now I don't know what's going to happen. There is nothing I can think of more horrible than losing a child. I'm not naive or ignorant and I have to face the truth about how serious this is and that I could lose my daughter. I'm just trying to make it through one day at a time right now even though most days I just want to curl up in a ball on the couch and just stay there. And trying not to break down in front of Brianne is very hard, but some how I'm managing. I just hope that the next few months go by fast so we know what is going to happen next and what challenges our futures will have. I know my last few blog posts have been kind of downers, but life is a train wreck right now. I will keep everyone updated and do more blog posts soon that are a little more cheery.
                                                  Brianne

Febuary 2013 Update!

A lot of things are going horribly wrong this year and the stress is building! I've found myself breaking down and crying a lot lately! In my last post I told about how my Uncle had died, how the docs had found something in my mother's lungs, and how my 7 (now 8) year old has been diagnosed with having a brain tumor! I was thinking that maybe with all these horrible things happening that it would get better soon! I was so wrong! The mass growing in my mother's lung is the start of Emphysema! My daughter has to have another MRI done in a few months to make sure her tumor isn't growing and Medicaid is refusing to pay for some of her bills! My hubby and I went and filed our taxes and the IRS took almost our whole return to pay off student loans of my hubby's leaving us with little money to catch up on bills! We weren't able to buy the kiddos anything, not even clothes because what little they left us had to pay bills! I recently caught the flu and was sick for 2 weeks! I'm better now, but still have a cough and a little bit of congestion! Glenn has been having health problems too! He went to the hospital last week and they said he has anal fistula and possibly has to have surgery to have it fixed which sounds painful! As for my business Twisted Witches, I feel like giving up most days! My business is not doing well and not a lot of people are buying my products! I don't know what to do and I feel like a huge failure! I don't want to give up on it and I know it takes a while to build up a business and spread the word! This is my dream and I feel like if I fail everyone is going to be disappointed in me for wasting time and money! I have other things I want to get done too like becoming a licensed herbalist and certified Aromatherapist! I know it's going to take time and money, but it would be nice if I could catch a break from all the other drama and horrible things going on with my family so that I can focus on bettering my life! Most of all I want my daughter to be ok! I think if I ever lost one of my kids that it would break me! Out of all this bad stuff going on, the only thing that I can think about is if Brianne is going to be ok or not! At this point we don't know what is going to happen with her and it's a waiting game until her next MRI! Hopefully, our luck will soon change! I will keep everyone updated!
                                                  Brianne

                                                    Glenn